| some people call me a space cowboy |
[29 Apr 2006|11:53am] |
is it strange
that i'm one hundred percent head over heels for a different boy
and yet i still have pictures of my past just below this entry?
i cant delete them.
it's apart of me.
it made me who i am.
but it is over.
one hundred and two percent over.
and i dont miss it one bit.
in fact,
i'm in love.
love love love.
its all i need.
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[14 Dec 2005|11:24am] |
as the story goes,
i fell in love with a boy.
so strange-
i had a dream a few weeks back that i was pregnant.
of course when i woke up i thanked my lucky stars that it was nothing but a dream.
anyway.
i went online to a dream dictionary to see what it meant:
"To dream that you are pregnant,
symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing.
You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it."
funny how that works.
i quickly found myself falling out of love.
there it went, out that window.
leaving me free and independent;
leaving him hurt and confused.
i wouldn't say two years were wasted.
i've certainly learned a lot from that relationship.
it is, in a way (and i've discussed this with a close friend)
like having someone in your life die.
they're there one moment, holding your hand.
and gone the next.
love is strange.
love is truly an illusion.
but i'm the happiest i've been.
life is exciting.
you make it what you want.
i mean why else are we here?
not to judge or criticize.
just to have fun and be happy and rejoice in this odd world.
i guess it just goes to show,
the moment you think you've reached the peak of happiness.
there's always another taller, steeper hill,
right in front of you.
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| shameless |
[02 Sep 2005|06:23pm] |
i am now officially settled into my new home in hollywood.
and i fit in better here then i ever would anywhere else.
i am the happiest i have ever been, seriously.
and after being here,
it's made me realize how torrance is so absolutely colorless.
( take a look? )
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[11 Aug 2005|10:00pm] |
are you jealous of my valentino sunglasses?
i would be too.
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[02 Aug 2005|11:30am] |
does everyone realize that i'm moving to hollywood on the twenty-fifth?
because i dont.
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[26 Jul 2005|04:27pm] |
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i'm craving attention.
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[19 Apr 2005|11:34pm] |
i love the fact that i dont have to try to be cooler then you.
i just am.
you pretend like you dont care
but you try too hard to pretend.
i love that.
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[04 Apr 2005|10:25pm] |
lets see.
lately ive been feeling like the only people you can really trust to be there for you is your family.
up until this year my answer to
'what are you doing after high school?'
was,
'getting the fuck out of this place.'
but now my thoughts have changed.
i dont want to stay in torrance, per say.
i just want to stay with my family.
i've grown so close to my mom.
i love how she'll make me oatmeal in the morning and drop razz berries and blueberries into it.
or text message me with thoughtful things and smiley faces.
how she always takes me to lunches and we eat artichokes together.
the fact that she always talks about taking pilates with me,
but we never actually do it.
or how she tells me every time i go out, "please dont smoke or drink"
its cute how she calls weed, ganja.
or how she knows my exact style
and helps me pick out outfits that i wear to work.
how she tivos things for me she'd think i like,
and gives me godiva truffles every valentines day.
she always buys me new chap stick when shes at target
and always calls me logo when shes trying to get my attention.
she supports me and im in love with her,
but its taken me seventeen years to realize it.
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[22 Feb 2005|10:08pm] |
so- i'm pretty mad at myself for falling asleep at the bob marley festival for like four hours.
i'm such a cool kid.
you just don't know it yet.
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[20 Feb 2005|11:16pm] |
i'm pretty sure this is the end.
i just want to vomit.
i wish someone could help me.
everyone disgusts me.
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[23 Jan 2005|10:38pm] |
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i'm just as good as anyone.
but i wish i didn't have to keep reminding myself.
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[16 Jan 2005|10:36pm] |
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so i guess the cool thing to do at west high now is to become a lesbian?
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| bang bang |
[12 Jan 2005|10:46pm] |
i love
my jakey
my gym
my trainer
my schedule
my da nang jacket
my purple eye shadow
my system
...
nevermind
i'll stop.
endorphins are the key to sucess.
darling- my beautiful angel-
you know i love you- but you should watch what you say-
or type...
your begining to act too cool for school.
w/ all the love in my heart- logan
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| knock 'um dead |
[03 Jan 2005|09:41pm] |
god i'm so bored.
i hate school.
much like the other millions of kids who said that today.
does entertaiment really consist of what city you live in?
soo many people say, 'torrance is so boring'
but then there's the few that say, 'everywhere else is just as boring'
is that true?
if i lived in new york and when out on a week day night,
would i not be more interested then i am in this suburbian life?
more then half the people in this city are so ridiculously sheltered.
my mother has been teaching me that since i was little.
and then there are those that think that they're outside of torrance,
that they're so much better then it and all the 'torrance people'
but where have your parents been all their lives?
where were they born and raised?
its all in your heritage.
get out while you can.
oh and-
happy new year
did you get your kiss?
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| I wish |
[09 Dec 2004|11:05pm] |
All Lily wanted was to be a fairy. To have translucent violet wings that scattered drops of glitter every time they touched. She wished for tiny, tanned feet with high arches and skin as soft as a baby. If she could, she would parade around in only crème colored satin slips and a sparking gold chain that hung from her neck and fell over her dainty collar bones. Her high set of cheekbones would be a dewy pink with just the right amount of freckles and her honey colored glassy eyes would constantly be staring out of the corners. Her voice would be a soothing melody that lingered on and on quietly. Whenever she spoke, everyone would listen closely, not for lack of volume, but because of their intense interest of what she had to say. She’d catch people’s attention as if they had just seen a miracle, and they would be magical overtaken by her.
Many men would lust after her, bringing her countless numbers of gifts. They would bring her freshly stomped red wine, flowers that smelled of the distant tropics, and the most breath taking jewels from across the world. Of course, this would mean nothing. She would simply smile and thank them and pass along the gifts to whoever crossed her path. The women though would try franticly to find something negative about her, but they would all grow tired at the end of the day, seeing that it was hopeless and realizing that there was such thing as perfect.
Lily would live in a tiny yellow cottage on top of a hill with only her best of friends. All of the walls and doors would be made of an aqua colored glass just to show that there was no need for shyness. Velvet and lace would drip from all the furniture, while the crystals that appeared through out the house would catch the sun, letting rainbows fly free. They would have incense burning in all corners of the house at all times of the day, so the constant floating of rosemary and mint caught the tip of everyone’s nose. The only other familiar smell would be that of their dinners. They had great feasts of honey buttered turkey, garlic potatoes, jalapeno green beans, home grown sweet potatoes, and a secret casserole that no one knew the secret to, besides Lily. They would sit together at the long oak table stuffing themselves silly and enjoying each others company, while in the back of their mind, they thanked ever lucky star they had, for being so blessed to be where they were.
Unfortunately, this was only what Lily had wanted. It could never be what she actually had. Her life was no fairytale. She had no prince charming, no magic mirror, and definitely not any kind of witch that would give her the time of day. It was simply and sadly only life. This life that she was in was her being, her nature, her real world. And that’s exactly what she made of it. And as for her dreams, well, that’s all they were.
-L. Barris
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[05 Dec 2004|10:16pm] |
i refuse to give in to west high.
piss off.
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